So many amazing things have happened to me since being here that it's only when I look back on photos that I think, 'Wow, how did I forget about that? That experience / conversation / pool party was brilliant / totally random / like a scene out of an RnB video!'
I'm getting concerned that the more I do, the more I'll forget.
When I get back, I'm going to print all of my blogs and favourite photos into a photo book as a reminder of my time here, so the next few posts are going to be very long, self indulgent and focus on things that mean something to me but will probably mean diddly squat to you!
(Don't say I didn't warn you! Chris, I wouldn't bother if I were you!)
Here goes with some stuff that I don't think I've mentioned in previous blogs.
* Greeting is big and pretty consistent in Uganda
I probably have the following conversation with random adults anywhere between 20 - 30 times a day.
Them : Muzungo, how are you?
Me : I am good. How are you?
Them: I am good. How is life?
Me : Life is good. How is life?
Them : Life is good. (Smiles at you, not saying anything else)
Me : Ok, well it was nice talking to you. Bye.
Them : Bye Muzungo, bye! (Stands there, still smiling as you walk off with a wave)
The following conversation happens at the same frequency, only with children.
Them : Hi Muzungo, hi!
Me : Hi!
Them : Bye Muzungo, bye!
Me : Bye!
I was told this would start to get on my nerves after a few weeks, but to be honest, I haven't tired of it yet because :
a. It makes me feel like a minor celebrity and
b. The monotony and predictability of such conversations genuinely amuses me.
* "Look, there's a kid with that condition - what's it called again?"
"Umm, I think you'll find that's Gerry, not an albino"
* The Kitchen Drawers of Doom, so named because every time you'd open them, a little surprise (usually a cockroach) would run out towards you.
In a similar vein, I have learned the hard way to wear flip flops at all times - including when I get up in the middle of the night for a wee. Squishing a cockroach under my bare foot wasn't pleasant.
* Despite it being very much frowned upon for men and women to show any sign of affection towards each other in public and the horrendous attitudes towards gay people here, male friends holding hands is a very common sight. The first time I saw it, I thought people were making a stand against the prejudice, but no, sadly not.
* We've ended up spending far too much time and money in a restaurant called Delicious Dishes (Delicious Delights according to Sue!). Despite having the charisma of the Nantgarw Makro, it is one of the few places that makes tasty food in the whole town. I thoroughly recommend anyone staying in Mbale visits there, Nurali's or Chat n Chino sooner rather than later.
* In some ways, western culture has infected even the most remote of places. In the middle of villages with horrendously pot-holed dust track roads, mud huts and people collecting drinking water from stagnant lakes, you'll suddenly see a brick house or shop painted bright red with the Coke logo emblazoned all over it or a lurid yellow building encouraging people to sign up to an MTN mobile phone contract.
It really is strange to see ugly advertising that is so at odds with its surroundings.
* This is something I'd never thought of before, but condoms here are black!
And before anyone jumps to any conclusions, I received this information second hand!
Alex went to a club that had a promotion where you buy a beer and get a pack of three 'The Big O' condoms free. And as the dipstick was running low on clean tops, he bought a t shirt with The Big O written all over it.
"What do you mean I can't wear it when I'm around you? It's only a brand name. Outside of Uganda, nobody will know what a Big O is. What's the problem?"
Poor, naive Alex!
* "Bloody hell! Look at the size of that goat's balls - they're massive!"
* Women carry babies in the cutest of ways so that they can carry on with their everyday lives. They basically strap a piece of cloth around their back, tied at the front and bundle the babies into it. None of this BabyBjorn, BabaSling or Papoose nonsense, just a flimsy, threadbare piece of cloth. And do you know what? It does the job perfectly!
(Man, how the hell do I know about different types of baby carriers? I need more childless friends!)
* I'm going to end this blog with one of my (in a weird way) favourite stories.
One of the girls we've met over here is half Indian / Ugandan. Her mother (who was born here) and her family were thrown out of Uganda under Idi Amin's rule. The family was friends with a very successful businessman who was also given a matter of days to pack up whatever possessions he could and move his family out of the country or they would probably have been killed.
The businessman gave away vast sums of money, possessions and property to his workers in the days before he left as he knew Amin would keep the money for himself and decimate the businesses he and his family had spent so many years building.
As anticipated, Amin destroyed a lot of his factories, but whenever he would stay in the area, he would use the family home as his own.
During Amin's reign, the Indian businessman would risk his life by travelling back to Uganda every so often to keep an eye on what was happening to the country and to make sure his workers were ok. This happened for years.
When Amin was overthrown, the businessman returned to the area within a few days to reclaim his property and land.
Over time, he rebuilt his businesses and is once again exceedingly successful with a very well known business (I'm not naming it as this isn't my story to tell).
He again employs thousands of people and provides them with housing, medical care and a school for their children.
How inspirational is that?
Am not going to apologise for the War and Peace style blog - I did warn you!
Expect more long and rushed self indulgent blogs to act as a memory jog within the next few days!
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